Adoptee, Daryn Watson was compelled to pen this poem after learning the news that a fellow adoptee had recently ended her own life. He movingly reveals some of the realities of many adoption reunions after the initial tears of joy have been swept away.
For Just A Day
For just a day
I wish my pain would go away
For just a day
I wish I could say
I knew what it felt like
To fit into a family
Without feeling like I had to earn my approval
For just a day
I wish I didn’t fear second rejections
From the woman who gave me away
And who gives me her rationalizations
For just a day
I wish I could say
The words “birth” or “bio” mother
Without them being such a bother
For just a day
My hopes of my siblings to say
“How are you doing?”
Let’s plan a visit in May
For just a day
I want to convey
The angst I feel in my life
That causes me much strife
Without being judged or condemned
Day after day, all over again
For just a day
I hope for the news
That we won’t hear of a blindside
Of another adoptee committing suicide
For just a day
I want to segway
Into our own truth
That was formed in our early youth
For just a day
I wish the adoption industry
Would stop trying to betray
Adoptees from finding their history
For just a day
We hope lawmakers would join the fray
By stop making us feel ignored
And give us our identity records
For just a day
I wish couples wouldn’t pay
Tons of money to fulfill their heart
While ripping other families forever apart
For just a day
I wish I truly fit in
With the people around me
Without losing connections again
For just a day
I desire inner peace to stay
Without the rumblings of emotional famine
Or feeling overwhelming grief at random
For just a day
I wish I wasn’t cast away
To live my life in a twister
Without my natural brother or sister
For just a day
We wouldn’t have to pray
That our feelings aren’t swept under the rug
Or that we don’t abuse alcohol or an antidepressant drug
For just a day
I want my birth mother to acknowledge and say
“I’m sorry I abandoned you” with her voice
“And I didn’t give YOU a choice.”
For just a day
I wish my pain would go away
October 8, 2014
I wrote this poem soon after I heard the troubling news of a fellow adoptee taking her own life. Although I did not know this person, I knew that she had been reunited with her birth family. Upon learning about her tragic decision to end her pain, the phrase— for just a day—kept running through my mind. I finally succumbed to that inner mantra and put my feelings and words to paper.
In the 19 years since I reunited with my own birth family, my emotions have run the entire gamut from feeling elated, to feeling completely rejected and abandoned again. Reunions and the adoption pain that follows them can be hard, complex, and confusing to say the least.
Society usually sees the happy reunion story during its initial honeymoon stage. Those moments are almost always filled with tears of joy, leaving the impression that the reunion and new relationship will lead to a “happily ever after” fairytale scenario. However, throughout the reunion process, the emotional undercurrents of grief, rage, shame, guilt, rejection and abandonment often lurk beneath the surface for both the birth family and the adoptee.
Thankfully today, adoptee rights organizations and social media outlets are creating a deeper awareness of the adoption pain the adult adoptee may face throughout the course of his or her life. Still, in light of the recent string of adoption-related suicides, adoptees are in need of far more resources, guidance and emotional supportive measures as they navigate the search and reunion roller coaster ride.
It is my hope that by sharing this poem, others will see another realistic side of adoption reunion and how that experience may really feel for many grown-up adoptees across the world.
Editor’s Notes: Enjoy another of Daryn Watson’s poems here on Secret Sons & Daughters: Thanksgiving Reunion ’95
Pictured above is author, Daryn Watson and his paternal natural brother.
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